Cooking with WHAT?
by psychobunny410
Summary: This is what happens when you put WWE superstars on a cooking show. Especially when Vince decides to force them on a cooking show he has created. [insert evil laughter here] Read and review, please.
1. A cooking trick

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the idea and the director. The idea came to me after wondering what Eric Bischoff's Face-off was for Triple H and Batista for next week on Raw. Obviously I thought he was going to make them bake hence this weird idea but who knows what he'll really have them do though.

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Triple H was basically pissed at Vince's new idea but so wasn't everyone though. Except he was picked to have gone first on the debut. Vince McMahon's newest idea since what ever his last idea was is to have each wrestler host the WWE cooking show. Not to mention that only a selected few got to host with one other person. Triple H had to do this himself and also the got the freedom to cook one meal of there choice. 

He walked onto the cooking set and looked over everything that had been set out for him. He went over to the counter and put on his gold colored apron with the words "I'm God worship my cooking" on it in black. The crew was already ready and waiting for him to get settled before they started.

Triple H pulled his hair back into a ponytail and rolled up his sleeves. After washing his hands, he was ready as can ever be. "Damn Vince and his ideas." He muttered as he looked over the recipe he picked out. "Ok Hunter we're on in," the director said holding out his hand and counting down with his fingers. 5…4… 3… 2… 1… the light on top of the camera went on signaling the show had begun.

Giving a cheesy smile on trying to be happy about this but just made it look like he was out to do somebody in. Makes you wonder if Heidenreich has been giving him some lessons… "Hi I'm your host Triple H, leader and founder of Evolution and today I'm going to show you how to make a simple Dinner Medley." He stated as he took some fresh onions, a sharp knife and start mincing it up.

"Just mince up some onions, slice some carrots and potatoes," he added while placing the onions in a small dish off to the side and started with slicing some carrots and potatoes up. Just as though he thought he was doing fine he nicked his finger with the knife. There goes his chance to prove he wasn't nervous.

"Just goes to show don't let small children play with knives because this is something that could happen," he said with a meek smile as he tended to his finger by running water over it. The director, whose name shall now be Billy Bob, called for a commercial break. "Smooth move their," Billy Bob shook his head, "hurry and get that treated." Triple H didn't waste any time to go the back where some locally placed paramedics are.

He returned back on the set with five stitches and a bandage on his finger just as the commercial break is getting over with. The light on the camera went back on telling the people they were back on the air. "Welcome back to Cooking with W.H.A.T? And now let's get back on track with that dinner we were making." Triple H then went on saying stuff about parsley and ham while chopping them up.

He then grabbed a baking pan from the cupboard and started greasing it by using a baking spray. Maybe cheap to him but it works wonders though. "Now that we have our pan greased like A-train's back we can start layering our ingredients on the bottom." He said, causing people to turn green from the thought. After using up the ingredients he chopped up the camera from above zoomed in on his handy work.

It's like all of a sudden you hear angel's singing as it looks like a professional chef layered it. "Wooo! Good job H!" yelled Ric Flair from offstage as he was watching a monitor. Triple H had a funny look on his face at hearing Flair. "Right then…" He went looking for the can opener since he needs it to open two cans up. "Where's the fucking can opener at? There should have been one here!" Being all-mad, Triple H walked off the set as they were still rolling just to get a can opener.

Since he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing, except on the mission to find a can opener, he trips over a cord and falls. Calmly dismissing that fall he continued his quest. Five minutes later, he came back with the prized possession in hand after yelling at the person who was suppose to make sure everything was at the kitchen and giving him a pedigree.

This time taking into consideration of what happened last time with the cord, he stepped over it but tripped and fell a few feet later over a crack in the floor. "Vince should have picked a better place," he groaned as he got back to the set yet again. This time he made it back a minute after they got done with the commercial break.

Triple H pointed the hand held can opener at the camera threateningly, "Never mess with The Game otherwise you'll get an ass whooping." He put the can opener down and washed his hands because he felt like being sanitary about this. "Now back with the meal," he began opening the soup water can then the cream of mushroom can, "we add the finally ingredients and now we are ready to put this into a pre-heated oven at three hundred and seventy-five degrees." He poured both cans into the baking pan and placed it into the pre-heated oven.

"Now in an hour it will be ready." He said with a smile, as he started picking up the mess he made. Right now he didn't care if he was showed cleaning like Martha Stewart in the kitchen. Billy Bob palmed his face seeing as he didn't make this ahead of time to show the finishing results. Well they would just have to show this in an hour.

Commercial

It opens to a city street where all seems good until an explosion at the bank happened. The Basham brothers come out with sacks of money while wearing robber outfits. They take off down the street until the F.B.I step out of an alley into their path. Johnny the bull and Chuck Palumbo start fighting them as Nunzio took the money away from the so-called robbers. The cops showed up a few minutes after the F.B.I tied up the Basham brothers.

"Thanks for showing, up when you did," The first cop said. The second cop put the robbers in the squad car and the third was taking the money back to the bank.

"Just a days work for the F.B.I," Nunzio then turned to face the camera, "and remember there's not a job that the F.B.I won't take." A number pops up and the three take a cheesy Charlie's Angels pose as the commercial ends.

End Commercial

Finally an hour had passed and Triple H's Dinner Medley was done. "Ok since this is my first time on a cooking show. No one told me that I had to make a dish already then show how to prepare it," groaned Hunter to the camera. He puts on an oven mitt, "Now to see the finishing results of our…" He opens the oven and pulls out a steak that's well done and on fire. "Steak flambé?"

Everyone was wondering how that could have happened. A Dinner Medley doesn't just turn into a Steak flambé just like that. Triple H doused water on the steak while still trying to figure that one out. "I'm no magician so I have no idea what happened here." He said with a quizzical expression. "Well any ways hopefully that doesn't happen to you and tune in next time to Cooking with W.H.A.T?"

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**A/N:** How was it? I just might make it into a series if people really like it. Also this is just to get the randomness back for my Mulan parody that I seemingly lost. Oops. Any ways the W.H.A.T stands for What the hell are we thinking? Kind of sums up the whole Vince and company deal there I think.  



	2. EZ bake cooking is just for me

Disclaimer: I still own nothing but the idea of this fic. Sorry to have taken so long to update. I hope it was worth the wait though.

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Billy Bob was sitting there in the director's chair on the set of Cooking with W.H.A.T? Looking over the papers on a clipboard in front of him to who was suppose to be on next. A sigh came out when he noticed the name of _Jon Heidenreich_ under Triple H's name, finding it to be most amusing but annoying too. "I hope he doesn't end up reading a poem to me or on live TV." He groaned. 

Soon, Jon entered the building wearing normal clothes instead of his ring attire thankfully. He went over to the cooking set and put on his red apron that read "Be my friend and I'll cook for you" in bold purple letters, rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands. Billy Bob anime sweat dropped after reading that seeing as he wouldn't want to know what would happen with the people that weren't his friends.

"Ok Jon are you all set?" The director asked while knowing they have to start in a few minutes anyways. "Ready as I'll ever be friend." Heidenreich said with a smile. He was excited to be cooking on live television. Billy Bob pinched the bridge of his nose as he started doing the "friend" thing already. "Ok you're on in.. five.. four... three... two..." He pointed at the psycho to start as the light above the camera went on.

"Hi friends and welcome to Cooking with W.H.A.T? I'm your host Heidenreich and I'll be showing you how to cook chocolate chip cookies with a twist. But first," he reaches into his pocket and took out a folded paper, which he properly unfolded, "a poem by Heidenreich."

Billy Bob and some of the other workers from behind the scenes groaned. He hoped that Vince was happy that he let this nut case be on TV besides the usually SmackDown showings. "'I am glad, for you see, that I get to cook for thee. Cooking helps bring friends together, not only friends but family as well. So I hope me cooking for you is a real treat and that you will also try out my secret recipe.' That was a poem by Heidenreich." He said and folded the piece of paper back up and placed it back in his pocket.

Grabbing the mixing bowl and some ingredients used to make cookies with. "Today I'll show you how to make chocolate chip cookies but wait they're not ordinary chocolate chip cookies. Seeing as I make them a certain way that is absolutely to die for." The German smiled at the thought all the while throwing ingredients into the bowl and stirring with a mixing spoon.

Of course, naming off the ingredients just encase no one remembered what was used to make chocolate chip cookies. Billy Bob watched in amazement that he did nothing totally outrageous like Triple H did. Except for the "friend" thing he does.

"As you can see our batter is ready to be made into little balls to be baked in the over. Except one thing seems to be missing," Heidenreich walks over to the fridge and pulls out strawberry syrup, "the 'special' ingredient that makes my chocolate chip cookies really good."

Off stage Billy Bob palmed his face as how could Jon ruin a simple recipe such as chocolate chip cookies by adding _that_ in. "Vince really needs to get his superstars' heads examined." He moaned. Hoping that the next person doesn't add in outside concoctions unless it actually made for a good meal. If they didn't, he might as well up and leave.

Jon added in a tablespoon of strawberry syrup and mixed it into the batter. Taking out a tiny sheet he began rolling small balls and placing it on there three by three. "What are you doing?" Billy Bob asked with wide eyes off stage in his all-mighty director's chair. Pulling out an E-Z bake oven from under the counter, Jon blinked.

"I'm baking strawberry/chocolate chip cookies, what else does it look like I'm doing?" He responded as he plugged in the kiddie oven in the electrical outlet by the stove on the set. The director pinched the bridge of his nose, not caring if they were still on live. "Why with that thing though?"

"Didn't Vince tell you that I'm not allowed to play with fire?" Heidenreich said with a malicious grin as he was facing away from the camera and Billy Bob. So no one could see him grinning. Despite not seeing but just hearing made the director a little paranoid about him now. Figuring he must be a pyromaniac along with being just insane.

He just let him go on with his business as they went off air for a brief commercial break. Who would really want to get on a crazy person's bad side?

_Commercial_

Chris Jericho, Eddie and Rey were just lounging in front of the TV trying to figure out what to watch. "Esse there's nothing on." Eddie stated. Chris just clicked off the TV with the remote. "Now what do we do?" Rey asked, sitting up on the floor. "I don't know," replied Jericho with a shrug.

Suddenly, Austin and the Sandman come crashing through the front door. "I think you guys need to throw a party and we're here to help." Austin said to the bewildered threesome. They all look at each other and contemplated on the idea. "That's a great idea!" Jericho shouts.

Soon there's a party going on with a bunch of people and Sandman downs a beer before looking at the camera. "Nothing to do and nothing on TV to watch. Call us, we'll get a party started in no time flat." He said with a slurred tone as a number comes up on the screen.

_End Commercial_

"Welcome back to Cooking with W.H.A.T? I'm your host for this evening Jon Heidenreich." Heidenreich said as he pulled out the freshly baked cookies out of the E-Z bake oven. Having a nice red-ish tint to them from the strawberry syrup and not burnt either. "Now this is how your chocolate chip and strawberry flavored cookies should look like." He picks up the plate he put them on and walks over to the director.

"Try one friend." He said with a smile. Thus, made Billy Bob raise a brow before cautiously picking up a cookie and taking a small bite. Jon awaits Billy Bob's criticism on his special cookies. "I don't like it." The director said as he scrunched up his face after swallowing the bite he took.

Obviously, it was the wrong thing to say as Heidenreich glared at him while giving his plate of cookies to a stage assistant to hold on to. "If you were my friend you wouldn't have disliked my cookies." Billy bob took off running and Heidenreich followed soon after, ready to pound the director to dust. That was the last time we saw them in the building again.

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A/N: Saw ECW's One Night Stand last night so I couldn't resist putting Sandman in the commercial portion of this fic. Also the poem part for Heidenreich was my crappy skills, sorry about that.  



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